After watching the incredible college basketball duel between No. 24 Arizona and Illinois, in which the Lute-less Wildcats overcame a 13-point first half deficit to win 78-72, I don’t know what impressed me more: Arizona’s young, athletic team winning a tough road game at the United Center, or  Steve Lavin’s colorful color commentary.

In case you missed it, it was nothing short of a revelation - like watching “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” for the first time.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present, the quotable Steve Lavin.

On Wildcats’ star Chase Budinger, who shot an atrocious 2 of 8 from the field:

“He’s lacking some vitamins or minerals. Looks like he needs some porridge.”

And after Arizona’s Jerryd Bayless took the ball from the top of the key and imitated the Dominque Wilkins, taking off from just inside the paint for a dunk with less than a minute left in over time, Lavin was nearly speechless, but managed to muster the ever-popular:

“With authority!”

(Say, where’s Bill Walton’s “Throw it down, big man, throw it down” when you need it?)

And despite Googling every overused phrase imaginable, Lavin even had time with 50 seconds left in OT to offer some love:

“…shout-out to Walt Simon [father of Arizona assistant coach Miles Simon] who’s recovery from surgery in Anaheim Hills.”

But the crème dele crème came at after Illini guard Trent Meacham hit a 3-pointer with 25 seconds left in OT, to cut Arizona’s lead to 74-72:

“That’s why Illinois was so frustrated when Meacham was trying to put the ball on the floor like a hound dog or a hamster.”

I can’t tell you what any of this meant - I’m not sure anyone can - but I can tell you it was highly entertaining.  Thank you for failing so miserably at UCLA, Steve.  The Bruins loss is our gain.

• How deserving the Buckeyes actually are of another shot at the BCS title
• The prospect of playoffs in college football
• The SEC and “Southern Speed” vs. the rest of college football
• Television’s benefit on smaller football programs
• Jim Tressel’s success at Ohio State
• Beanie Wells’ breakout season
• How the 2007-08 Buckeyes compare to the ‘06-’07 and ‘02-’03 teams
• Ohio State being the underdog against LSU

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Yes, a podcast.

Those that know me can confirm that I’ve long overturned the podcasting stone. But this new venture should be a breath of fresh air and is timed to help fill the 30+ day void between the end of college football’s regular season and the BCS Championship Game. I’ll be revving things up on Thursday night when I kick things off and talk with Ken Gordon from the Columbus Dispatch. We’ll see how things go and take it from there.

Anyway, we’re a-movin’ and a-shakin’ here at the old site, so check back soon.

What we’ve grown to love about A-Rod, like any other individual with superstar status, is how common storylines snowball into lethal avalanches capable of burying his career as a New York Yankee. These stories would not have packed one-tenth of the punch that they have if A-Rod weren’t so openly sensitive about every word the media speak about him. Perhaps that’s the main reason why small issues surrounding baseball’s highest paid player have escalated from a couple sparks into a full-blown benzine fire.

So, this latest “headline” is really no different. On second thoughts, perhaps it’s part of a greater plan.

(more…)

Lindsay Lohan has emerged as the hottest woman on the list of the 100 hottest women released by Maxim magazine. Not surprisingly Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are not featured on this elite list.

Lohan was on the 4th spot in 2005 and jumped to the 3rd position in 2006. This year she beat “Desperate Housewives” actress Eva Longoria for the top honor. The former was placed ninth this year after topping the charts for the previous two years.

In short, we are flabbergasted by this announcement. Dumbfounded, even. Hotter than Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Eva Longoria? Umm… WHAT?!? Haven’t we already established Lohan as a runaway truck careening out of control? Who the hell was in charge of this operation, Skip Bayless?

Maxim’s editor-in-chief Jimmy Jellinik said Lohan’s popularity was unparalleled. “There is no other star in the world that causes more of a stir in the public eye than Lindsay. Her every move is watched and reported on,” he said in a statement.

True… usually because she’s setting her career ablaze. Please, Jimmy, don’t try to explain the logic behind this. You’re not helping.

Though we suspect Lohan may have slipped them a mickey on decision day, we can’t help but question the integrity of the Maxim panelists, who just might be more corrupt than the Bush Administration and that crooked French ice skating judge, combined!

Dear God, what a travesty.

Link: Lindsay Lohan leads Maxim’s Hot 100 list [EarthTimes.org]

Why are we bringing this up now? This link to the Subway Series Show, sent in by our old college buddy “Gou” in Manhattan, pretty much confirms our suspicions: those in charge of determining market value are somewhat removed from the real, actual world. It’s the only logical conclusion after seeing that current Yankee backup — and “future Yankee star” ??? — Wil Nieves commands $25 per autograph, despite going hitless since the fall of 2002. Seriously, look it up. How is this possible?

In fact, after catching our breath from the star-studded cast of second-rate guests that will be at this affair — seriously, the axis of the planet may tilt a degree or two — we couldn’t help but ask several other, equally puzzling questions:

• If Doug Sisk wants $20 to sign a baseball, but nobody shows up, is it still worth $20?
• When did Aaron Heilman go from a middle reliever to being marketed as a Mets “star”?
• How much to tug on Jose Valentine’s well-groomed mustache?
• Will the $20 paid per autograph to Ambirox Burgos be used to re-imburse the Mets front office?
• Who the hell is Randy Niemann?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how insecure is Robin Ventura that he will NOT, under any circumstance, sign photos of himself fighting Nolan Ryan? Seriously, don’t even @#&%in’ bring it up.

We’d feel a lot better if we could get some clarification. But all that aside, this show is clearly worth the $10 entrance fee, if only to see so many utility guys, role players, and nobodies under one roof. Plus, for only an additional $12, you can get the other, whiter and older Frank Thomas, an “original” Met, to inscribe “Sucka!” on a baseball. Everyone knows you could use that to fleece someone on eBay.

LINK: The Subway Show

My article on the NFL Draft — one of those kooky awards columns that some of you might like — drew an angry response from some overzealous college fans. I wasn’t trying to be a rabble-rouser, but apparently Buckeye nation, or whatever they’re calling themselves these days, had other ideas. It seems as though the mere notion that Ted Ginn, Jr. was a lousy pick by the Dolphins — and really, it was a terrible pick no matter how you shake it, sorry — elicited quite and uproar from the Buckeye faithful.

Back in the days of writing for FOXSports.com, I used to enjoy reading messages from angry readers. In fact, I still do. My policy is to respond, personally, to every single piece of hate mail. It’s one of those things that I shouldn’t enjoy, but can’t seem to get enough of, like The Real World.

So, let’s pay homage to last week’s angry emailer, an alum from THE Ohio State University… a fan who fully admitted his allegiance to the scarlet and gray before backing off nearly all of his initial comments after unexpectely getting a response…

Were you just annoyed that you didn’t get an invite? You kind of sound like Mark May, just bitter about everything. First of all let me say that Ted Ginn will surprise you in the next couple of years. I hope you will have the common courtesy to type up a retraction about the negative things you said. The real joke was Levi Brown going #5 he is way overrated. Now, this is actually the first year that I watched the whole first round. I think they did a pretty good job with keeping it entertaining. The fact that you get paid to write is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

Thanks,
Mike (California)

Mike later backpeddled like a cornerback. Now, that was funny…

LINK: The Monday Awards (April 30, 2007)

This happens to be one of those times.

If you’re a news junkie — or just really bored at the office — you’ll notice that ABCNews.com re-launched itself in the image of one big, giant blog. Yes, they’ve placed more of an emphasis on interactivity, giving users the opportunity to both comment on stories and make fun of Jake Tapper’s name.

But that’s not all they’re offering. Nope. We nearly took the afternoon off after seeing this headline:

WATCH TODAY: Kirk Cameron vs. Atheists

Hey! So THAT’S what Mark Seaver is up to these days?!? We suppose we wouldn’t believe in God, either, if our career died after Growing Pains. Then again, maybe it’s not so bad. Something about Cameron vs. Atheists has a ‘Jordan vs. Bird’ quality to it, no?

LINK: ABCNews.com

It’s became apparent to us early last season that Thorne was losing some of his lucidity in the broadcasting booth, primarily after he referred to Frank Catalanotto as “Frank Catalatonno” for the entire span of a nine inning game on ESPN. (He even brainwashed the color guy in the booth to say the same thing!) Then, we started paying attention to more of his broadcasts and noted no less than two giant blunders per ballgame — a New York Post media critic, Phil Mushnick, came on our podcast and confirmed our suspicions.

To be honest, we have no idea how old the guy is, but Thorne is inching dangerously close to Harry Kalas on the Announcers That Have Lost Their Marbles Scale. If he starts drinking now, he might even surpass Pat Summerall by the time his career is through. And THAT would be a real accomplishment.